so i got my tongue up this chick's ass, right?
so then i...

waitaminute...

wrong room.

sorry...


by Kurt | 14:49

by William "Red" Graham


We both practice Zazen in the close quarters of the Sing Sing prison chapel basement. To date, Scott is the only white person I've ever gotten to know in more than just a superficial way.

The question which begs an answer is: Do we choose to remain preoccupied, stymied and stagnated by thoughts and feelings of hatred toward other races, for perceived past and present wrongs and injustices - or can we do something directly, on a personal level, about the situation?

When I first met Scott, I did not view him as an individual, nor even a human being. I saw him as a monster and a member of a race and class of people who has wronged my race and hurt me personally. I really didn't give him a chance to prove himself otherwise.

White people have done a lot of wrong to me personally, so I pre-judged him and blamed him for what I perceived other members of his race have done for me. I saw Scott as aloof, arrogant and condescending. He seemed to exude an air of superiority that I attributed to his white skin.

Previously I have met many white people with parental attitudes, and Scott seemed to be one of these. The parental attitude I'm referring to always seems to me to be the attitude of many white people who feel they are bringing something to the natives to civilize them. It seemed as if he felt he knew better than I the right way for me to live my life. This was reinforced with each new encounter between us.

It seemed to me that we looked at each other in challenging, derogatory or disdainful ways and engaged in passive-aggressive attacks on each other. One of my favorite ways of showing dominance and superiority over him involved sitting directly across from him in the zendo in a full-lotus position; I knew that he couldn't sit full-lotus. I used to gloat at the discomfort he would experience getting up from every sitting period. I sense that over time he picked up on my negative thoughts and feelings. This continued for some time back and forth between us.

One evening, all hell broke loose. It was on a night when Rev. Kobutsu wasn't able to come to the prison, and Scott, as I later found out, was left in charge. That night I twice unknowingly sat on the wrong cushion.

The first time was before the official sitting began. I got up, and when I returned Scott was sitting in the place I had vacated. I said nothing and sat directly across from him. He said that I was sitting in an officer's seat who helped conduct the service. I said, "No problem," and got up. I was mildly pissed, and commented to Scott that he really should try to speak up and not talk so low, and that he acted as though he was afraid. I told him if he had anything to say not to mumble, but to be a man.

Zazen began. I sat full-lotus. Usually we sit for only 35 minutes at a time, but on this particular evening we sat an additional 10 minutes. Anyone that has been practicing zazen for a while knows by the pain he begins to experience in his legs when the time is up. My legs and knees were screaming from sitting in a full-lotus for 45 minutes. During this extra ten-minute period, I began breathing deeper and harder in response to the pain. My breathing was audible to Scott. He said, "Control your breathing."

I broke the rule of no talking in the Zendo and challenged him "Try sitting full lotus as long as we were and see how you breathe." During kinhin he walked into the hallway and summoned me outside to speak with me. I told him, "Not now," but to wait until later. He requested the same thing twice more, and I responded in the same manner. He remained in the hallway until kinhin was over and everyone had sat back down on the cushions to begin another 35-minute sit.

Scott came into the zendo and turned the overhead lights on, and proceeded to lecture about how he would not tolerate disrespect in the zendo, and that I had a problem. I informed him that there were no children here, and that we were all men. The exchange went back and forth, and didn't really go anywhere. Finally, not really having any other place to go, I said, "if you want me to, I'll go." He acquiesced. As I was about to leave, Yogen, the inmate zendo leader, said that he was in charge, so I sat back down. Other prisoners within the zendo voiced their opinions. I told Scott he was behaving childishly. He retorted that one of us was going to have to leave, and since I wasn't going anywhere, he left.

After he left, I was acutely aware each time I heard footsteps descending the stairs to the chapel-basement zendo. I though he might have informed the guards about what happened, and that the guards were coming to evict us. That didn't happen. Scott was gone and didn't return for a month afterwards. I really felt bad during that time; I missed his presence and hoped our interaction wouldn't be the cause of him discontinuing at the prison. I later learned hi hiatus was not a direct result of our confrontation.

The week after our confrontation, I spoke with Rev. Kobutsu about the situation. He was aware of the incident, having communicated with Scott during the interim. He pointed out that we were both at fault in the interaction, and that he himself was at fault for not informing the sangha of his intention of leaving Scott officially in charge during his absence. He commented that perhaps the confrontation could be an opportunity for us both to get to know each other and that we could write about what happened.

When Scott returned to Dharma Song Zendo, he and I began to work on developing an understanding of what had transpired between us. During the process, Scott became the only white person I've ever gotten to know. I'm glad that we had our verbal confrontation, because dealing with it gradually changed our attitudes toward the other. It brought about a sensitivity, respect, compassion and consideration that neither of us previously felt toward each other. It enabled us to reshape our viewpoints and share the same space without antagonism and competitiveness.

I'm beginning to understand the meaning of the phrase "Incomparably profound and minutely subtle." What occurred between Scott and me was profound. From that altercation, I learned that when we communicate with each other about our feelings and emotions, we can transcend our irritations. Through abandonment of pretensions and recognition of hang-ups, the door of transcendent wisdom opens.



by lou dallas | 17:54

LAND HALIBUT

by lou dallas | 11:49

By nightfall, most of the about 400 Palestinians trapped in the compound of West Bank security chief Jibril Rajoub near Ramallah had surrendered to Israeli troops, in a deal brokered by U.S. and European officials. About eight men remained inside. The sprawling compound was battered by the Israeli onslaught, with gaping holes punched in rooftops and building facades by shellfire and rockets.

by lou dallas | 18:54

Heb. 10:1: For the law having a shadow of good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with those sacrifices which they offered year by year continually make the comers thereunto perfect. 2: For then would they not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should have had no more conscience of sins. 3: But in those sacrifices there is a remembrance again made of sins every year. 4: For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins. 5: Wherefore when he cometh into the world, he saith, Sacrifice and offering thou wouldest not, but a body hast thou prepared me: 6: In burnt offerings and sacrifices for sin thou hast had no pleasure. 7: Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God. 8: Above when he said, Sacrifice and offering and burnt offerings and offering for sin thou wouldest not, neither hadst pleasure therein; which are offered by the law; 9: Then said he, Lo, I come to do thy will, O God. He taketh away the first, that he may establish the second. 10: By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of Lou Dallas once for all. 11: And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins: 12: But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of God; 13: From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool. 14: For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified. 15: Whereof the Holy Ghost also is a witness to us: for after that he had said before, 16: This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, saith the Lord, I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them; 17: And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. 18: Now where remission of these is, there is no more offering for sin. 19: Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, 20: By a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his flesh; 21: And having an high priest over the house of God; 22: Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. 23: Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;) 24: And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: 25: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. 26: For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, 27: But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. 28: He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: 29: Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace? 30: For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. 31: It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. 32: But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions; 33: Partly, whilst ye were made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions; and partly, whilst ye became companions of them that were so used. 34: For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance. 35: Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. 36: For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.



by lou dallas | 11:34

they
got a committee to get me off the block
'cause i play my rhymes
LOUD
and i play them
NONSTOP
bein' bad news is what we're all about
we went to white castles and we got
THROWN OUT
i got my boy
MIKE D
i got the King
ADROCK
i got the jammie with the ammo
inside my sock
i shot homeboy but the bullet was a dud
so i reached in the miller cooler grabbed a cool
BUD!!!

by Kurt | 12:19