kurt bali has announced his new career...



by Kurt | 19:47

VANCOUVER, britische Kolumbien (AP) -- die Minnesota wilde gebildete Geschichte und die westlichen Konferenzendrunden mit einem Paar unwahrscheinlichen Comebacks. Darby Hendrickson, das mit 5:12 gezählt wurde, verließ als das wilde gesammelt von einem Zweiziel Defizit, um das Vancouver Canucks mit Dollops von rohem Sahne und zwei Tonnen unverdauter Milch, 4-2 zu schlagen im Spiel die 7 Donnerstag Nacht.

by lenny bellows | 12:48

it came to me in a prophesy...

lou dallas is no more...
we must accept this...

however, where lou dallas fears to tread,
VANCE MONTANA
would willingly come in his stead...

the invitation must be sent to the President...

by Kurt | 18:48

(Vatican City) -- Pope Billy the 3rd today made a pronouncement to a gathering
of North American Cardinals at the Vatican today. In this closely worded edict,
Pope Billy prayed for return to grace for Chelsea Clinton, the Fat Cop, and Lou Dallas.
He called for all good Catholics to light a candle each night until Lou Dallas' return.


by lenny bellows | 20:47

Mudd, Bali Side With President Timmins on Dallas Departure

(St. Louis, MO) -- NASCAR columnist and corn expert Brandon W. Mudd, along with social gadfly and man-about-town Kurt Bali, today provided their support to President Bryan Timmins in his insistance that Lou Dallas return to "Chelsea and the Fat Cop," a little-known, but highly-influential Blog originating from California.

"It is absurd to think 'Chelsea' could continue without the marijuana-induced poetry and obscure website postings provided by Lou," said Mudd, eating his third butter-drenched steak of the day while finishing his latest column for www.kfns.com. "I am here to not only support the President with his mission to return Dallas to 'Chelsea,' but to also announce I will, in fact, stop masturbating to the PETA website until Lou comes back."

Bali, a well-known alcoholic and shiftless layabout, was obviously too drunk to speak, but nodded his head vehemently at Mudd's comments, then vomited quietly to the side of the podium.

Dallas' current whereabouts are unknown, but he is rumored to be in the Middle East near Syria, trading Marlboros to camels for sexual favors.

More information will be provided as it comes in.

by Kurt | 18:38

President Timmins today delivered a speech in the strongest possible language.
It was aimed at famed intellect Lou Dallas, in an effort to persuade him back to
his rightful place in the Pantheon of the Chelsea.

by lenny bellows | 12:27